Paranoia....

I cired myself to sleep last night, i have seen tradegy before, i have seen people die, i have consoled people who have lost relatives, friends and close ones. But i do not think i was prepared for what happened last night. I got a call at around 10:00 am and was informed of the tragic accident that claimed the life of Terin, someone i had met twice in all my life. I knew him to have an infectious smile, that's all i remember of him and yet when i was told about the manner in which he died i felt my heart feel the pain. 

It isn't death which scares me, it is the lack of a dignified deathwhich scares me. It wasn't the death in this case as well, it was the conversation i had with my friend which made me weep. He recounted the manner in which Terin's father cried, he told me how we sometimes take things and people for granted, he spoke of how much he loved his dad and how he would never want to be the reason for his father's tears. As i heard him, i felt tears streaming down my cheek, i understood what he was saying, i felt the pain he was feeling and all i wanted to do was hug him and tell him that things would be alright. 

I suffer from paranoia, i get freaked when people do not answer their cell phones, reply to msg's or when they are travelling in flights. I need to recieve that one msg, or call to say that they have reached and are fine. Sometimes i sit alone and a shaking with fear, it's very difficult to explain this to anyone, cause no one will understand it and they will also probably dismiss it saying i am mad.... but i am not.... i am just paraniod and am dealing with it in my own way.......